Clinical Humor - JAMPHL
Volume 1 Number 2, Spring 2003

CLINICAL HUMOR

Light Show in a Barn

              When I was in vet school, I did a mixed animal externship at a private practice. One night, we were called out to a farm for a bovine dystocia (cow having difficulty giving birth) that sounded pretty bad from the farmer’s description. We rushed out to the farm to meet the farmer, who then led us into the barn where the cow was. Normally, when I accompanied the veterinarian on farm calls, he would introduce me as a vet student and explain that I am Deaf. In his haste to get to the cow, he forgot to introduce me to the farmer.
              Besides, I was too excited to notice the lack of formal introductions. I was intent on making sure I didn’t forget anything between gathering all the proper equipment and trying to remember everything I knew about dystocias.
              It was very dark in this particular barn, but I had a flashlight with me for use in such situations. The farmer went to get another flashlight so that we would have more light, and the vet quickly examined the cow to determine the nature of the problem.
              During the examination, I assisted the veterinarian by shining my flashlight on the cow. Whenever he turned to speak with me, I shined the light at his mouth in order to read his lips. When the farmer returned with his flashlight to gather in what was going on, he noticed that I was shining my flashlight back and forth on the cow and then on the vet’s face. In tandem, he began shining his heavy-duty flashlight wherever I flashed mine, thinking this was some new some newfangled vet thing they were teaching up at the college.
              I was so engrossed in the procedure that I didn’t realize there was a mini light show going on with the farmer and me. The veterinarian finally had to ask that we stop blinding him because he couldn’t see a thing with all that light in his face. It finally dawned on me that the farmer and I hadn’t been introduced and that the farmer had no idea that I had to shine my flashlight on the veterinarian’s face in order to understand him.
              I explained the situation and the farmer agreed to keep his light on the cow for the remainder of the call. We all had a good laugh at ourselves afterwards. I can only imagine what the COW must have thought of the whole matter. It’s not often that cows give birth with lights flashing around like that.

    Submitted by Kimberley Dodge, D.V.M.
Medical Terminology

    Benign........................What you be after you be eight.
    Artery.........................The study of paintings.
    Bacteria......................Back door to cafeteria.
    Barium.......................What doctors do when patients die.
    Cesarean Section........A neighborhood in Rome.
    CAT Scan...................Searching for Kitty.
    Cauterize.....................Made eye contact with her.
    Coma..........................A punctuation mark.
    D&C...........................Where Washington is.
    Dilate..........................To live long.
    Enema........................Not a friend.
    Fester..........................Quicker than someone else.
    Fibula..........................A small lie.
    Genital.........................Non-Jewish person.
    G.I.Series....................World Series of military baseball.
    Hangnail......................What you hang your coat on.
    Impotent......................Distinguished, well known.
    Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
    Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
    Morbid.........................A higher offer than I bid.
    Nitrates........................Cheaper than day rates.
    Node........................... Something ya knew all along.
    Outpatient....................A person who has fainted.
    Pap Smear....................A slur against yer Daddy's honor.
    Pelvis...........................Second cousin to Elvis.
    Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
    Recovery Room............Place to do re-upholstery.
    Secretion......................Hiding something.
    Seizure.........................Roman emperor.
    Tablet...........................A small table.
    Terminal Illness.............Getting sick at the airport.
    Tumor..........................More than one.
    Urine............................Opposite of "yer out".
    Varicose.......................Near by/close by.

    Submitted by Samuel M. Atcherson
Robots for Hearing Emotions???

    As reported in the DeafDigest Blue Edition 1/13/03:

    There is a special kind of a robot that has been developed - the one that will gauge the moods of human beings and then react appropriately.

    It could be a boon to the deaf - helping them gauge hearing moods instead of unwittingly stepping into human emotional land mines. This such a robot is being worked on by an engineering team at Vanderbilt University.

    Editor's Note: "A way for healthcare professionals with hearing loss to improve bedside manner?"

    Submitted by Shelley A. Dixon
Copyright © 2003 Association of Medical Professionals with Hearing Losses. All Rights Reserved.